if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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