loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
