Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
