VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I stole a fireplace last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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