I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
