Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
