Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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