I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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