her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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