thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
