You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
