i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
