Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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