She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
