well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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