i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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