So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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