Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
