The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
