dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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