oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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