Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize