Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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