I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
