Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
