i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
