this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
