I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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