I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
