Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize