I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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