Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
