they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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