He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
