i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
