Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
