I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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