I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
