i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
