4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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