I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
