I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
