well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
