I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.