How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?