I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
