thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful