You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
