dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
