and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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