Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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