dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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