Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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