shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
