watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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