So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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