just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
