why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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