If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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