I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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