Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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