i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
