im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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