Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
