if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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