Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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