Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
