I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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