the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
