So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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