Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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