i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
