Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
